The Voices

From time to time, I still can hear the voice of my eating disorder getting stronger. It tells me to eat or not to eat, what to eat and what not to eat, how I should feel when dealing with certain foods and guilt tripping me if I enjoy any. It will be very difficult not to give in, and honestly you will give in more than you will resist. But it doesn’t matter how many times you give in, it’s about how many times you resist. You should be proud of how long you resist and take care of you,because those are the ones that count. Don’t feel as if you aren’t there yet,be proud of those small wins 💜

Leaving Old Habits Behind

I always feel the constant need to weigh myself over and over,do my check ups in the mirror as soon as I finish my shower,and lay down so I can feel my bones. I also go to the kitchen whenever I feel the need to escape and restrict whenever I want to assure myself I am in control. The urge doesn’t go away quickly,but it surely diminishes. It is a battle to put up with everyday,but I believe you have the strength to fight 💖

I always allowed the scale to measure who I am and dictate how my day would go. If I hadn’t lost a specific amount of kilos,my day would be ruined. If I am getting nearer to my goal weight,I would get excited to weigh myself again knowing next time I’ll be smaller. It was an on and off cycle,where weight gain used to crush me. I never thought that I’d ever step out of that scale,but I did. And I hope you do too. Our worth is not measured by our waistline or thigh gap,we are much more than that 💜

Every now and then I relapse and fall into my old habits and thoughts and I still feel as if there is no way out.. the journey isn’t perfect, it’s a huge struggle . At the end of the day, I realize that I can still look in the mirror and want to take care of my body and love it the way it loves me and that’s what I choose to do. Even if I stare at my “flaws” and even if people still comment on my appearance, I always make sure I let it go and remind myself that my body is the most beautiful artwork I have and I wouldn’t want to change it for anything else

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